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Quit posting spam if want to post here post something good not your child pornograghy i am sick of deleteing 100+ spam comments a day

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately leaps into motion. It gallops at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune…. Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

A beautiful female college student has an exam the next day. Knowing that she will fail, she went to her professor’s office.

“Professor, I would do anything to pass this exam,” she said, “Anything you want.”

Upon saying this, she looked at the professor seductively and starts unbuttoning the first button of her shirt.

“Anything?”, the professor asked.

“Yes, ANYTHING!” was her reply.

She then unbutton-ed the second button of her shirt.

“Well…”, the professor muttered.

She flipped her hair back and unbutton-ed her third button.

The professor whispers, “Really anything?”

She smiles seductively, “Yes, anything you want…any…thing..*pant* *pant*”

The professor gazed into her eyes and whispered, “Would you…..study?”

One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.

The thief then went through Murphy’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.

The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.

“Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in me shoe!”

Hmm I’ve been thinking and i thought i would extend the similies to be ironic.

As fast as a faster ( a faster is someone who fasts, does not eat)

As clean as a cleaner

haha

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It’s a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: ‘Pierre, kiss me!’ Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie’s lips.

‘What are you doing, Pierre?’, says the startled Marie.

‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!

She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, ‘Pierre, kiss me lower.’

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

‘Pierre! What are you doing?’, asks the bewildered Marie.

‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!’

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, ‘Pierre, kiss me lower!’

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, ‘PIERRE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?’

Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, ‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!’

Haha, i shall continue with my funny similies.

As new as an avenue

As far as a sofa

As broad as broadway

Haha, hope u enjoy them!

Haha, i just thought of a new idea: Punning similes

Check these out:

As bad as Sinbad

As late as a chocolate

As hot as a hotel

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