JokerHut.com

One day, a large group of people is waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line is a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt, and high heels.

As the bus pulls up and opens the door, she goes to board it, but finds that her skirt is too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and undoes the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again.

Again, she finds that she cannot manage the step, so once more she reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more. With a smile, she looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. She finds that she still can’t step that high and so with exasperation and a sigh she unzips her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her leg still will not reach the bottom step.

Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabs her by the waist, lifts her up, and places her on the bus.

The woman turns to the Texan furious and says, “Who do you think you are to touch my body in that way? I don’t even know you!”

The Texan looks at her and replies, “Well, ma’am, after you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends.”

What is the similarity between a tree and a quadratic equation?

Ans: Roots

NASA wanted to find a writing implement that could be used in space.

It took 200 engineers and they spent over $2 billion to finally invent a space pen. This pen could write in zero gravity and the ink would still flow.

NASA proudly announced their success and congratulations flowed in from all over the world.

In a short note to the Americans, the Soviet engineers congratulated them, but said that they too had found a solution at a fraction of the cost.

They remarked, “We use a pencil.”

It is said that time flies like an arrow.

To me, fruit flies like a banana.

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly found himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly to himself,

“Oh God, I’m screwed.”

A ray of light fell from the sky and a voice boomed out,

“No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.”

So the explorer picked up the stone and proceeded to bash the life out of the chief. He stood above the lifeless body, breathing heavily, surrounded by 100 natives with looks of shock on their faces.

The voice boomed out again, “Okay, NOW you’re screwed.”

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.”

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”

The wife is furious. She yells at him, “Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore . . .”

The man sighs and says, “It’s started.”

Why did the tomato blush?

Ans: It saw the Salad dressing.